Motivation.

I would like to think that I'm still as capable as I was before. That is, before I was released from the slavery chapter of what we all call high school. Every thing was a compulsory task... it represented a grade that they threaten would follow you throughout your life. I fell for that deceitful threat, and so spent my days trying to be the most diligent student ever possible (slight exaggeration). With that approach, I gave up my inherent values of life. Take a walk in the garden did I not... read a book of interest, have I not attempt... appreciate my two lovely dogs did I do only to a very limited extent... All was overruled by my temptation to finish my homework and be ready for the test the next day.... Test results that, today, have no such value comparable to what would have been if I had spent my days doing what I actually enjoy.

But high school is over... and now I'm in university, where grades are only allocated from exams/assignments due only at a certain period of time, rather than consistently throughout. Where are the motivators? Or the threats that I was once so accustomed to? Without them... I am nothing but all my heart tells me to be. I'd sleep throughout the day, and watch tv to end my night. I'd touch a textbook but never go beyond the first page of the chapter. Am I going downhill from here? Or can I pick up speed when time gets closer to the dates of examination.

Despite having all those thoughts and, I suppose, guilt of being as 'free' as I am now... I still choose to go the liberal way. "Screw dictatorship. I will figure it out later."- That's what my head says all the time.

But nonetheless, I will get over this. As I'm certain to find a threat to motivate me. Perhaps it'd be the threat of being at a competitive disadvantage. Since plants are competitive in nature, it's inevitable for a human being to not be driven by the need to excel beyond others. Afterall, our reality embraces a rule where one's happiness is the result of another's loss.